⚠️Trigger warning⚠️: This blog contains references to suicide, substance use, and grief after the loss of a loved one. Please read with care and reach out for support if you need it.
📞Kamatsiaqtut helpline:
📞Hope for Wellness:
📝Author’s note: This story was written with permission, love and care. It’s just one moment - one memory - from an evening that held a lot of emotion. It’s not meant to speak for anyone's grief, or for Johnny’s family. It’s meant to honour him and the love that still surrounds him.
💜Codfish and Crying💜
(For Jenny Salluviniq, Johnny Padluq and Robert Padluq) by Annie Qimirpik
We were making posters for the Iqaluit/Kimmirut snowmobile races 2025 - Robert was racing to raise awareness of suicide prevention, in honour of his late brother Johnny and we were trying to carry that.
It was quieter than other times Jenny came by. No weed this time, no chasing that messy high of being too drunk to feel. Just us, my bedroom floor, markers and grief.
I had picked a picture of Johnny laughing, holding a cod, for my poster. It felt perfect - his big smile, his joy. I even added the Kamatsiaqtut Helpline, bible verse “John 16:22” and wrote #LONGLIVEJOHNNY in bold across the top.
When I showed her, she burst into tears and laughter all at once.
“Do you know why he posted this one?” she asked.
“No - I just love his smile. I was wondering why I haha reacted to it on Facebook before”
She wiped her face, half laughing, half sobbing.
“The fish has a hard-on.”
We lost it. The kind of laugh that’s holy. That only happens when sorrow and love are too close to separate.
That evening we weren't just making posters.
We were building a moment to hold him in.
And to hold each other, too. 💜
📝Author’s note: This story was written with permission, love and care. It’s just one moment - one memory - from an evening that held a lot of emotion. It’s not meant to speak for anyone's grief, or for Johnny’s family. It’s meant to honour him and the love that still surrounds him.
Everyone grieves in different ways, and this blog was one of mine - writing with honesty and sharing.
With love,
Kermit (Johnny called me that lol)
